Who Killed Jesus?
It is 2074. A lot has changed in the world. The world you know is no longer the world I live in. It has been 30 years since the great uprising. For centuries patriarchy and right-wing values governed the globe. Then came radical feminists. They ruled poorly; they didn’t last even a decade. Not because they didn’t have excellent leaders. They had one of the best your times had ever seen.
However, they could never be decisive. Everything became an endless discussion. Nothing ever got resolved. Not even the fundamental national issue, whether the toilet seat should be kept up or down!
Their quick rise and downfall was followed by a power vacuum, which finally was grabbed by the communists. The communists didn’t bring anything new. It was USSR and Gulags all over again. With no personal accountability, the commie idiots ran amuck, raping and killing everyone they pleased. Until there were none left.
Finally, the only idiots who could ever rise in a divided ecosystem, the patriarchs, rose again. This time they were furious. They didn’t show any signs of weakness. They, too, ran riot. But they only targeted the elders. They didn’t see any use of senior citizens, and the ironic truth was most of them were in their late fifties, and they were ordering 20 years old to shoot 70 years olds—what a shit show! But at least they were able to handle power, unlike their predecessors.
Maybe it is a good thing that the rich rule and the poor serve. Perhaps that’s how the world is supposed to be. It is anyways prey and predator. Why deceive ourselves in believing that there is a shred of decency left in us when reality points otherwise!
I am eons old. However, I am not sure. We in the heavens do not calculate time as you humans do. I remember I was a kid when Jesus was crucified. Soon after, my mother, Alyssa, sent me to earth. Since then, I have been wandering, surviving, and preaching. I did well in the first two. The third one, I don’t deserve even a B+. See the world around you. You know my preachings fell on deaf ears!
At times I blame myself for everything but then whenever I feel guilty about not fulfilling my duties towards you humans, I think of Jesus and what you guys put him through. That keeps me at peace. I don’t mind procrastinating my preachings. Now I didn’t even pray.
Alyssa often chuckles in my visions on how ironic is it that the person who was sent to teach people prayers doesn’t pray himself! Well, we all fail. Don’t we, and when we are around flawed humans, we fail often.
Buddha was one of the few people I enjoyed my time with. He was known as Siddhartha then. What a fine young man he was. I don’t know whether I did well preaching to him to leave his wife and newborn baby. You guys must think that someone in such a responsible position as me might be a little more sure of what he says or does.
I don’t owe you guys anything, and in retrospect, whatever I do doesn’t matter in the long run, and time doesn’t flow forward as you humans perceive. I will elaborate on this later. This is too complicated for you to comprehend now. You need more background.
They call me Yogi nowadays. I have been known by many names in the past. Names you are familiar with!
I have witnessed every atrocity your people committed in the name of gods for their own greed.
You do know that you are supposed to please the gods and not anger them. Think about one selfless sacrifice you have ever done for the gods.
None! Yet you expect the gods to be generous and shower you with all you ever desire. Manage your expectations, buddy.
In these current times, no one worships. I don’t blame them for it. Life’s hard. In ancient times, when these men and women grew uneasy, they used to turn to my fathers in the heavens. Then came the brokers. For a considerable part, Popes, Priests, Kings, and Godmen became brokers to the Gods. I remember once I met a Pope who offered me a ticket to heaven. He was shocked when I told him, ‘I don’t need a ticket to visit my father.’
I guess he saw the truth in my eyes. He died of heart failure that night. He was a very healthy man. He ate and slept well for the most part of his life. Everyone was surprised at his untimely dismal death. I swear I had no role to play. I did not wish for it to happen.
Wishes do come true. Hope you know!
Once the brokers lost their power, these men and women moved to the men inside the tube. TV became their new god. If the man on the TV said to wear white, they wore white. Then came a man in orange who said wear orange and everyone wore orange. Then came a man who said kill everyone who doesn’t wear orange and began the color wars. Everyone wanted to paint the town red, and the towns were painted red. Only not with paint.
I enjoy all kinds of sights. When you have spent the number of years I have, you have seen it all. Nothing surprised me ever after they crucified Jesus. That was the only day I ever experienced what you humans call SHOCK. Not only was I shocked, but I was also surprised why the Almighty Father allowed such brutality to happen to his own Son.
I am not even in a distant family. Just to clarify, I am not royal. I do not have royal blood. Only the true gods are royal. You must have heard of the gods. There are all kinds of them. They rule you people. Laxmi, Hanuman, Durga, Hammurabi, Gandhi… sorry, I guess the last two were just legendary men. When you spent so much time as me on this godforsaken planet, you often get confused. I usually have this discussion with the guards at the gates of heaven. I ask why they don’t put Nelson in the royal suite, and they always reply that it is only reserved for the gods and Nelson was a great man, but he doesn’t have royal blood. So at some level, I and Nelson both are ordinary beings for the gods.
I don’t like talking much about myself. At times I get confused about who I am. Every 20-30 years, I change my name… my identity. When I visited the east and befriended Krishna, Buddha, and Gandhi during his early years, I kinda settled here. I was told that in my last of travels I will meet a woman. This woman will be the end of all my prayers and bring me to my salvation.
Let me try and explain to you who I am. Hold on to your head above your shoulders; this is a little complicated, just a little complex than neurosurgery and quantum mechanics combined, just a tiny bit.
This will be a brief introduction. You will keep on knowing me as we proceed.
I first was created out of love. My mother never revealed much to me. Rather she hardly said anything. I did not even know that I was gifted or blessed. I found it out on my own.
She did tell me I had no father. I was born pure. (whatever that means) I don’t believe in the holy immaculate. No such phenomenon was explained to me when I was in the heavenly school of misfits.
After my initial upbringing, mostly survival training in some damp corner of the Amazonian jungles, she left my brother and me to your unknown lands with just one thing to do: preach.
She told me to preach generosity, forgiveness, gratitude, hope, and all those girlie-sounding terms, and he was given the task to preach lust, greed, hatred, resentment, and all those big bulky emotions you humans are laden with.
In all honesty, both of us wavered. I had my years of trying hands on lust and going to orgies, and he did have his years of meditating with the lamas of Tibet, but in totality, we did stick to our purpose. He created the Hitlers and the Saddams. I made the Vincents and the Picassos. We maintained a fair balance.
Now, I don’t trust mother. In all fairness, she told me not to trust any woman as women hold the key to the underworld. However, I always liked women. I enjoyed a fair share of their company.
My first decent pupil ever was Markus. He later became, and if my memory doesn’t fail me, he still is the most famous man. After Markus’s death, I met the first woman I ever got to know intimately. Her name was Cleopatra and let me tell you, no one ever walked the earth like her ever again. She was a true goddess.
Before shipping me off to this godforsaken planet, Alleysa did tell me that after centuries I will meet the Daughter of Fire Goddess. I and her will light the fire in the ancient temples of Jupiter Optimus Maximus, and the world will get rid of Kato. Kato is the curse that was laden after Adam and Eve were sent off from the garden of Eden.
Damn! And you thought Bible was just a story. Damn you, stupid human!
Let me surprise you a little more. You chimps did not invent fire or language or built pyramids and spaceships. You were given these as gifts because you prayed hard. Someone in your tribe did something that the gods liked and gave you these tools as gifts.
The wheel was all me, just thought you should know. Now that we are talking let me tell you why and how.
There was this poor mother; I daily saw her drag 3 children on a piece of wooden bark. She made this awful noise, and this was centuries before Krishna’s arrival. I used to stay in Tibet. This was before there was any Tibet. I used to practice Bansuri, a musical instrument that I was supposed to teach to Yahoda’s Son Krishna. He, too, had the royal blood of Vishnu. So I was supposed to teach him arts, culture, swordsmanship, archery, yoga, sadhna, manifestation, shapeshifting, and what not… All Alyssa ever did was hand me a task list every winter. Those were the only few moments in time I got to see my mother.
At times I think I, too, suffer from mommy issues like you humans.
Seeing that mother make such an awful noise, I took pity and helped her. She made love to me as an act of kindness. It was beautiful. There is nothing warmer in this whole wide world than the warm thighs of a kind woman.
Now there ain’t any left. You humans killed kindness!
Nonetheless, so that was the wheel.
It wasn’t you people, okay, it was me.
So yes, Cleopatra. Man, what a fine woman!
Though it was too early to be accurate, I prayed that she be the one.
During our opium trances, I often made her believe that she was the Daughter of The Fire Goddess.
Belief is potent. But as soon as the intoxication waded off, her reality changed. She was just a seductress.
My quest continued, and I met thousands of females. All of them beautiful than the earlier. Some Parsi, Some French, Few English, A great many Arabs, and a handful of Africans. I just couldn’t bear jungles. I stayed away from there. Reminded me of mother.
Finally, in 2021 met her—the Daughter of the Fire goddess! She was and is the light!
Who Am I?
I am the first-born Jupiter Optimus Maximus. I am the first and the last Prophet. I am the only one you are ever allowed to bow down to. The Daughter of the Fire goddess and I will shift the balance and build a sustainable, greener future for our younger generation.
Also, I think I missed mentioning something; I am currently in a psych ward where I am being treated for acute delusional disorder. Not that it is important, but I thought you should know.
Sleep well, dear friend! Sleep well.